Hold Me Close, Tell Me No Lies
by ZenOne
Summary: He loved her, she loved him, it was a match made in heaven -or so they thought- This is a story about love, loss and regret. -Drabble fic- Updates will be daily.
1. Chapter 1

***Disclaimer I don't own Twilight or its characters...SM does.* Yada, yada, yada...you know the drill.**  
_  
_Okay, so I was listening to Adele sing _"I can't make you love me"_ and this story idea popped into my mind and just **WOULD NOT** shut up!  
So, yeah, here we are... it's a drabble fic so the chapters will be on the short side. Updates will be everyday *hopefully* My internet is sketchy.

Many thanks and all my love to Readingmama for her mad beta skills. And Celesticbliss for prereading this and making me a breathtaking banner. -You can find it on my FB page.

***Warning this story WILL NOT have a HEA*** So please, if it isn't your cup of tea just click on the little X at the left hand top of the page and DON'T read.  
Otherwise, sit back and I hope you enjoy the ride, bumpy as it may be.

* * *

All the love that history knows  
Is said to be in every rose  
Yet all the love that could be found in two  
Is less than what I feel for you  
**~Unknown~**

"I, Edward Cullen, take you, Isabella Marie Swan, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part."

The heartfelt vows were spoken easily. Faces full of love and joy, the bride and groom sealed them with a passionate kiss. It was about time they got married, their friends and family had told them, they had been in love for over five years.

At the reception they only had eyes for each other, kissing frequently whenever they thought no one was looking. When it was time for them to leave, they walked out, hand in hand, laughing and smiling as rice was thrown at them by friends and family.

Once they had boarded the plane to Paris, Isabella whispered in Edward's ear, "How about we join the mile high club?"

He grinned at her and she took the lead, sauntering toward the bathroom. He waited the appropriate amount of time and followed. Frantic heated kisses, gropes and finally the feeling of being sheathed in his wife's tightness. Edward thought if he died right then and there he'd die a happy man. They moved and fit together so perfectly. The feeling was sheer ecstasy.

"I love you, Mrs. Cullen," he murmured once they were through.

"I love you too." She smiled at him.

A sharp rap on the door brought them back to reality.

"Fuck!" Edward cursed, running his hand through his already sexed up hair.

Isabella giggled and he glared at her playfully. Edward bent down to retrieve the ripped underwear from the floor. He zipped up his pants and placing a soft kiss on her lips he exited the bathroom, her panties in his suit pocket and a goofy grin plastered on his face.

Isabella waited another minute before exiting the bathroom. The flight attendant glared at both of them disapprovingly. They tried their best to look remorseful but failed. The older woman shook her head and muttered, "Newlyweds."

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I'd love to hear what you think in a review.  
Until tomorrow!  
xoxx  
Zen.

I'm Zenoneness on Facebook.


	2. Chapter 2

***Disclaimer I don't own Twilight or its characters...SM does.* Yada, yada, yada...you know the drill.**

^^^ Now that I have that out of the way, WOW! Thank you all for being so WONDERFUL with the reviews and alerts. ~mwah~ *blows kisses*

Many thanks and all my love to **Readingmama** for her mad beta skills. And** Celesticbliss **for prereading this and making me a breathtaking banner. -You can find it on my FB page.

**Once Again: *This story WILL NOT have a HEA*** So please, if it isn't your cup of tea just click on the little X at the left hand top of the page and DON'T read. Otherwise, sit back and I hope you enjoy the ride, bumpy as it may be.

* * *

**A baby is something you carry inside you for nine months,  
In your arms for three years  
And in your heart until the day you die.  
~Unknown~**

**Three months later...**

Isabella and Edward stood next to the sink, staring at the little white stick that was about to alter their lives for good.

"Two lines," Edward whispered. He looked at the box, rereading the instructions again.

"Two lines," Isabella repeated, looking somewhat dazed.

"Whoop! Bella you're pregnant!" He swept her up in his arms and held her close, trailing kisses up and down her face.

"We're going to be parents," the both said at the same time, while gazing at each other in wide eyed wonder.

"This calls for a celebration," Edward stated matter- of-factly.

"A celebration? What exactly were you thinking?" Isabella questioned.

He grinned, a placed a kiss on her neck.

"A few things, first things first though," Edward told her.

Bella raised her eyebrow in question. he smirked, that panty melting smirk that made her girly bits tingle.  
That day, he showed her how to celebrate Edward Cullen style.

They called their parents and told them the exciting news the next day. Renee and Esme both cried. Carlisle congratulated them and Charlie was speechless. Isabella was pretty sure her father believed that even if his daughter was married she was still a virgin. Edward laughed at her conclusion.  
**  
**

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**I hope you enjoyed this... happy times for a while. How long do you think will it will last?  
I'd love to hear what you think in a review.  
Next update will be in about 18-20 hours.  
Until then, have a wonderful _ (insert time of day) wherever you are!**

xoxx  
Zen


	3. Chapter 3

***Disclaimer I don't own Twilight or its characters...SM does.* Yada, yada, yada...you know the drill.**

Thank you all for being so WONDERFUL with the reviews and alerts. ~mwah~ *blows kisses*

Sorry about the late update...hubs decided it was okay to invite twenty five people over for dinner. *epic eye roll* Just got done cleaning up after them so yeah...

Many thanks and all my love to **Readingmama,** for her mad beta skills. And** Celesticbliss, **for prereading this and making me a breathtaking banner. If you aren't reading their stories, you should be!

**Once Again: *This story WILL NOT have a HEA*** So please, if it isn't your cup of tea just click on the little X at the left hand top of the page and DON'T read. Otherwise, sit back and I hope you enjoy the ride, bumpy as it may be.

* * *

"You are the closest I will ever come to magic."

**~Suzanne Finnamore~  
_~The Zygote Chronicles~_**

**Ten weeks later**

….

Bella had been miserable, her boobs hurt and she was constantly going to the bathroom to pee. Morning sickness had been exhausting, everything smelled funny, nothing tasted right, and things that did taste right never stayed down. But, in Edward's eyes she was rubbed her back when she felt tired, made her breakfast in bed,and they researched each and every stage of the pregnancy together.

"Pregnant glow my ass," she scoffed one day after a few of her friends left.

"What's that?" Edward asked

"Just that Jessica and Angela kept saying how I have a so called pregnant glow. What am I?_A freaking light bulb?_ I've_ never_looked more horrible in my whole life," she groaned, taking as step closer toward him. He was the center of her universe; Bella always seemed to gravitate toward him whenever he was around. And when he wasn't, she would count the minutes until he came back, breathing easy once more, because he was near.

As for how he felt about her, she was his everything. There was nothing on earth he wouldn't do for her.  
To him, there weren't enough words in the world to describe the way she made him feel.

"Bella, stop being ridiculous, you look gorgeous," he said, pulling her close to him.

"Whatever," she told Edward as she snuggled closer to him.

"What time is your doctor's appointment tomorrow?" he asked, changing the subject.

"It's at four thirty, will you be able to make it?"

"I haven't missed one yet, have I?" he questioned.

She shook her head. He had been going with her to each and every appointment. He seemed just as excited and nervous about being a parent as she was. His presence calmed her and he always seemed to sense what she needed.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, always," he replied.

**The next day…**

They arrived at Doctor Riley's office, signed in and took a seat. This was their fourth visit. The vast array of pregnant women there never ceased to amaze both of them. Once or twice , Bella had asked how far along one of the pregnant woman were and had been bombarded by all kinds of information, it was a little terrifying, hearing about blood tests, iron deficiencies, ultrasounds and preeclampsia._What have I gotten myself into,_she wondered.

Today she was preoccupied with the fact that they were going to hear the baby's heartbeat for the very first time.

Esme and Renee had been bugging Bella and Edward about getting a nursery started, but Bella refused. She said until she was least three months along they were to do nothing, because, _what if something happens?_That had been the argument she used. She was weird like that.

They had finally persuaded her into letting them buy nursery furniture.

"When you hear the baby's heartbeat? Please?" both of her mom and Esme had begged.

She had caved when she saw the looks on their faces. "Fine," she grumbled, "but only furniture, nothing else."

Right now, while she sat at the doctor's office with her husband, the two moms were waiting at home to hear the news. Renee and Esme had been planning this shopping trip for weeks.

"Call us as soon as you leave the doctor's office," they had ordered.

"Isabella Cullen," the elderly nurse called her name.

Both Bella and Edward got up and he placed his hand on the small of her back as they followed her.

"How are you feeling dear?" she asked as she handed her the cup for a urine sample.

"Fine… a little nervous," she replied. Edward squeezed her hand gently and she sighed, relaxing at the feel of her hand in his

The nurse nodded and smiled at her sympathetically.

"Everything will be fine, don't worry. Now head on into the bathroom and when you're done please put the cup into the cabinet where someone will collect it. I'll be waiting so that I can weigh you when you're done," she instructed.

After she was weighed, the nurse led them back to one of the empty rooms, took her blood pressure reading and handed Isabella a robe. "Put this on sweetie,the doctor will be with you in a few minutes," she said before leaving them alone.

Edward smiled and wolf whistled while she got undressed. "Shh, someone will hear you," Isabella scolded. She felt herself blush, her husband was insatiable and her raging hormones seemed to egg him on.

"So? I want the whole world to know just how sexy my pregnant wife is. Now, how about a quickie before the doctor shows up?" he asked her while trying to cop a feel.

"Edward!" she huffed, smacking at his hand while trying hard not to smile.

He raised both of his hands and chuckled, before kissing her on the cheek.

"I was just kidding, babe."

"Humph," she huffed, pretending to be annoyed. In reality she wanted to hump his leg or better yet, his dick. She squirmed a little and he noticed.

Smirking, Edward sat in the chair next to the bed while they waited. Isabella lay back and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to relax, when she couldn't she reached for his hand, seeking the comfort of his touch, he obliged and she let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.A sharp knock sounded on the door and Dr. Riley walked in.

"Well, Isabella, everything looks fine so far. Let's measure your belly and listen to this baby's heart beat," he said cheerily.

After he took her measurement and asked Bella a few routine questions, he squeezed some lube on her belly and placed the Doppler and moved it around. A loud _whoosh, whoosh, whoosh_was heard followed by a steady thumping. Edward and Bella held their breath, the doctor smiled.

"That's it folks, that right there is the sound of your baby's heartbeat."

The happy couple grinned at each other.

"Better call Esme and Renee," they both said together.

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I hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
I'd love to hear what you thought in a review.

***** Important: Due to circumstances that are beyond my control. The next update will not be until Sunday*****

Until then,  
xoxx  
**Zen**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight. SM does.**

I do however own a shirt that says _**"Got MILF?"**_ –My hubby bought it for me; he seems to think he does, LMAO - I'll post a picture of it on Facebook sometime. Oh, I also own a hubby who loves the _song I'm Sexy and I Know it_, plus three boys who think it's hilarious to watch him sing and dance to the song. *Facepalm* they're a crazy bunch, but they are mine, so I love them.

**Readingmama** is one rockin beta, just thought I'd put that out there for everyone to know. Seriously, if I ever meet her in real life and you're around, be sure to cover your ears. *Will not be held responsible for the loud fan girl screams that will be produced by me in her presence* ~You have been warned. ~  
**  
Celesticbliss**, my lovely pre-reader/banner maker I heart you hard. If you aren't reading these ladies stories, you should be.

* * *

"_You can hear now. Your inner ear is formed.  
I shout "I love you" into the bedroom.  
Then I feel stupid. Then I don't.  
This is pretty much the story of my life."  
_**~Suzanne Finnamore ~**  
**_The Zygote Chronicles_**

**Sixteen weeks later…**

Bella was twenty six weeks pregnant and felt as big as a house. _Eating for two_ was beyond a doubt the term she heard most often_. _She was getting more and more excited as her pregnancy progressed. Edward would kiss her belly in the morning and the evening, and both parents would often talk to the baby. They had been overjoyed the first time they felt the baby kick.

"Nothing fits right, and I look fat," Bella whined as she twisted and turned unsuccessfully while trying to adjust her bra; she was getting dressed. Bella's parents were in town and had invited them out for dinner.

"You're doing it no you don't. You look pregnant and beautiful," Edward said reassuringly when came up behind Bella and helped sort out her bra strap.

She rested against his chest, after he was through and almost melted in his arms. With Edward everything felt just right.

Throughout her pregnancy Edward had been nothing but supportive, sympathetic and caring. Bella loved how he never made her feel guilty if things didn't get done around the house. When Edward noticed that she was even the least bit fatigued, he would order her too sit down and rest, while he finished the task at hand. This made Bella's heart expand with the love she felt for him. She would sit back and admire the way his muscles flexed as he did housework or finished cooking a meal. Edward often caught Bella staring at him and would wink at her just to make her squirm.

"You don't play fair," she'd mutter.

"Never said I did," Edward would chuckle.

Bella had registered for Lamaze classes and Edward pledged he would be there for each and every one of them. And she was positive he would be. She was also sure that all the other pregnant women in class would be drooling over her hot hunk of man meat husband. She'd justhave to let them know that Edward was hers. _Down bitches_

Tomorrow was her ultrasound appointment; she and Edward were going to find out the sex of the baby.

Of course Bella's mom and her mother-in-law were squirming in their seats, dying to know if Bella was having a boy or girl; they wanted to go shopping for their grandchild. Bella and Edward would smile and shake their heads whenever they discussed shopping sprees for baby clothes and whatnot. The two grandmothers-to-be were unbelievable; their enthusiasm was something to behold.

"You're just saying that cause I'm your wife and you have to," she moaned when he kissed her neck.

"Mmm… no, I'm not. You are definitely one hot mama. MILF material in the making," he said while cupping her breasts. Bella felt the familiar tingling of want fill her.

"We're going to be late, and Renee will pitch a fit," she warned. If he didn't stop what he was doing there was no guarantee that they'd leave the house anytime soon.

"Hmm…" Edward murmured. He wasn't budging and Bella was close to caving, she could feel his erection pressed up against her and she wanted him -_badly_. But her parents were waiting and she didn't want to be rude.

"Charlie won't be happy either, it's steak night. If we're late, things will get dangerous," she tried again.

Edward's hands dropped and he took a deep breath shaking his head to clear it. Bella turned around to face him.

"Fuck," he growled, pulling her close and kissing her hotly on the wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back passionately. When they were done, both of them were breathing hard.

"Get dressed, and let's go before I change my mind and tread hazardous ground with your father," he told her while he adjusted himself.

After Edward walked out of the room, Bella smiled and did a little fist pump in the air while singing, "I Got the Right Stuff."

**The next day…**

"It's a girl," the ultrasound specialist announced after taking all the measurements. He pointed out a few things, but both parents were too preoccupied with the news to pay attention to anything.

_They were going to have a baby girl.  
_  
"Wow," both parents exclaimed while the glanced in awe at the little black screen that depicted their baby.

Edward kissed Bella's forehead and held her hand as they admired their little miracle.

All of the sudden Isabella started to laugh; both Edward and the specialist glanced at her.

"Renee is going to freak, and I know she is going to go overboard with the pink," she said between laughs. For some strange reason the idea seemed hilarious to her.

Edward smiled. The specialist shook his head, "pregnant women" he uttered, before hitting print on the machine, giving the parents their first ever baby picture.

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Next update will be in 24 or so hours.  
Thanks for reading!  
**I'd love to hear what you thought in a review.**

xoxx  
**Zen**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight. SM does.**

**Readingmama** is my beta goddess. ~js~  
**Celesticbliss**, my lovely pre-reader/banner maker I heart you hard. If you aren't reading these ladies stories, you should be.

* * *

_"Daughters dance their way into your heart, whirling on the tips of angel wings; scattering kisses & gold dust in our paths"_  
**~Unkown~**

**Fourteen weeks later…  
**

Bella woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and as she was getting out of bed she felt fluid escape her body. _What the hell? Did I just pee on myself? _She decided to go to the bathroom and check, especially since her bladder still felt full. She saw a few spots on blood in her panties and feeling uncertain, so she called the hospital's labor and delivery ward.

After informing the nurse at the desk of what happened, she was told to come in.

"From what you've described, it appears that your water has broken, you had better come in so we can check," the nurse told her.

Isabella's heart pounded in her chest, she was terrified, shaking and feeling a little lightheaded, she woke Edward up.

He sat up in bed, looking a little confused and extremely sleepy.

"What is it sweetie? Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Edward asked drowsily.

"We need to go to the hospital, my water just broke," Bella answered.

**Twenty hours later…  
**

"Ahhhh! Edward it huuuuuuuuuuurts," Bella seethed between breathless pants.

"I know, sweetheart."

He glanced down at his bruised hand and fought the urge to cry. It hurt too; Isabella had squeezed it till it turned purple. He had been a great labor coach, yet all the Lamaze classes in the world would never compare to the real life experience of being in the room with a woman who was in labor.

"Just a few more pushes, and we will have our baby in our arms."

Edward gazed lovingly at his wife, Bella's hair was a tangled mess, her cheeks were tearstained, her face was red and puffy from hours of pushing. And yet to him, she looked beautiful. He kissed her forehead before another contraction hit her.

After twenty two hours of labor, at five am, on May twenty eighth, little Alice was born. She weighed six pounds eleven ounces and was nineteen inches long. Her soft cries broke Edward's heart.

"She's hungry," the nurse stated as she handed the baby to her mother so she could breastfeed. The nurse showed her who to get little Alice to latch on.

It was then Edward changed his mind, if he thought his wife looked beautiful before, she looked absolutely perfect holding their little miracle in her arms.

"She's so tiny," the exhausted mother whispered, stroking Alice's cheek while the little one suckled on her breast

Edward nodded in agreement while he watched the two loves of his life interact with each other.

* * *

I hoped you enjoyed this! I'd love to hear what you thought in a review.  
Until tomorrow.  
xoxxx  
Zen.


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own Twilight. SM does.**

Many thanks and all my love to **Readingmama** for her mad beta skills. And **Celesticbliss** for prereading this and making me a breathtaking banner. -You can find it on my FB page.

***Warning this story WILL NOT have a HEA***So please, if it isn't your cup of tea just click on the little X at the left hand top of the page and DON'T read. Otherwise, sit back and I hope you enjoy the ride, bumpy as it may be.

***robward17** Please don't hate me after this chapter*

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_You never said I'm leaving_  
_You never said goodbye_  
_You were gone before I knew it_  
_And only God knew why_  
_A million time we've needed you_  
_A million times we've cried_  
_If love alone could have saved you_  
_You never would have died**  
~A Million Times~  
**_

**Five months later…**

"She's getting into everything!"

Bella and Edward chuckled while they watched Alice pull out pots and pans from the kitchen cabinets. Once she had emptied the cabinet out, she turned around and eyed her handiwork, her toothless grin of triumph made both of them smile.

Alice was such a happy baby; she was the pride and joy of her parents. They always had the camera ready, capturing each and every stage of her development. Esme regularly stopped by and took Alice for outings. Whenever Bella's parents were in town they were eager to spend every minute with the young one. She was loved and cherished by all, her smiles were infectious. She had her mother's features and her father's green eyes and auburn hair.

"Okay, time for bed," Bella said, plucking the chubby little cherub off the ground.

She gurgled happily and reached for Edward, her auburn ringlets getting in her eyes as she smiled at him. Edward took her from Bella after she placed a kiss on her cheek and they both headed for the bathtub for the child's nighttime ritual.

Alice's squeals of laughter made Bella smile and shake her head. She loved taking a bath and Edward loved singing rubber ducky to her as he bathed her. She watched them from the bathroom door. They looked adorable together.

After Alice was clothed and breastfed, both parents kissed her, and Bella put her in her crib. Alice shuffled under the blanket, before sighing contently and closing her eyes.

Then, it was their time to enjoy each other in the shower. Edward's touches still ignited her body, and he couldn't get enough of Isabella. Both their moans and groans of pleasure while he thrusted in and out of her were loud enough to wake the dead and yet they didn't seem to mind.

"Luckily for us Alice is a heavy sleeper. Imagine her waking up to her parents' sex sounds. The poor kid would be scarred for life," Bella declared afterward.

Edward laughed at her proclamation.

**Later that night**…

Edward was started awake by a blood curdling scream that made his heart skip a beat before it began pounding wildly in his chest. Disoriented from being woken up so suddenly, Edward glanced around him, only to realize his wife wasn't in the room.

"Bella," he called out, rushing toward Alice's room where the screams seemed to be coming from.

Edward stood in the doorway taking in the scene before him.

"No, no, no," his wife wailed, clutching little Alice to her chest as she rocked back and forth in the rocking chair.

Unable to breathe properly, he approached Bella. She met his eyes; her look was wild and full of fear.

"She's not breathing Edward," an extremely distraught Bella cried, "Make her breathe. Fix her, please God, fix my baby. Please God, please!"

Edward reached for his daughter and felt no pulse, he cursed under his breath. It couldn't be a good sign. Edward then frantically made the 911 call for his lifeless child in his desperate wife's arms.

CPR, an ambulance and the gut wrenching words they were told by a gruff EMT, "We're sorry, there was nothing we could do."

Isabella began to wail hysterically and was given a sedative that knocked her out.

At the hospital, the doctors informed them that Alice had died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. She had been dead way before the paramedics arrived.

At the funeral both parents were disoriented and in shock. Silent sobs shook Edward's body and every so often Bella would rock back and forth as she moaned, "My baby, my baby, she's gone."

Both parents looked terrible, Edward had bags under his bloodshot eyes-he hadn't slept in days- and his hair was a mess. Bella's face was swollen , her eyes mere slits from constantly crying, her shirt was wet and stained with breast milk, her baby may have died but Bella's body didn't know that, it was still producing milk for a child that no longer existed.

That day they buried Alice, and with her, their hearts.

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***Hides*** And let the **ANGST FEST **begin!  
***Please don't say I didn't warn you***

**Gulps loudly...  
**  
I'd love to hear what you thought in a review.  
Thank you for reading!

xoxx  
Zen


	7. Chapter 7

***Disclaimer: We have already established that I don't own Twilight. SM does***

*Peeks out from behind laptop screen*

Um...hello there**.*Looks around*** no flames so far. I guess it's safe to come out?  
Show of hands, how many of you are still with me?

I just wanted to say, thank you all so much, your reviews are so lovely. Believe me when I say I just want to hug the shit out of you...well maybe not that, cause it would be gross, but I want to love up on each and every one of you lovely people.

Many thanks and all my love to **Readingmama** for her mad beta skills. And to **Celesticbliss** for prereading this and making me a breathtaking banner. -You can find it on my FB page.

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_"Grey rocks, and greyer sea, _  
_ And surf along the shore - _  
_And in my heart a name _  
_ My lips shall speak no more."_  
**~Charles George Douglas Roberts~**

**Eight months later…**

Both Edward and Bella had slowly begun to drift apart emotionally since the death of Alice. They still loved each other, but they lacked the little things that made a relationship stronger – a kiss goodbye, cuddling after sex, hugs- those had disappeared. Bella hardly ever smiled anymore and Edward barely ever spoke more than two sentences at a time. Their sex was mechanical, and lacked feeling. Edward still loved his wife and wanted her, but his heart mourned the loss of his daughter.

Despite their love, life just wasn't the same anymore. Both parents were so lost in their grief that they failed to notice one important fact; they needed each other to heal.

One afternoon, during a lunch date with his parents, Edward and Bella found out that Rose, Edward's sister in law was expecting child number two. Emmett had mentioned it by accident. Rose had kicked him under the table, Emmett had had the grace to look embarrassed, in his excitement to announce his good news he had forgotten about Bella and Edward. Bella promptly excused herself and rushed off toward the bathroom, a sympathetic Rose hot on her heels. Edward barely even noticed his wife's departure.

With pain written all over his face Edward congratulated his brother and left the table. Esme noticed the sad look on her son's face and went after him, her heart breaking at the pain she knew both parents were suffering from.

She found him sitting on the porch swing, tears streaming down his cheeks. Embracing him, she whispered, "Shhh, there now, it will be okay son."

"Okay, mother?" he questioned. "It has been eight months and it still hurts. It hurts, every time I look at her nursery, her empty crib, I can hear her laughter and her cries. Everything I look at reminds me of Alice somehow."

"I know, sweetheart, I know. Losing a child or anyone you love was never meant to be easy. It will get better with time. We all hurt, son. Alice was…something to behold," she offered as comfort trying to fight the tears that were escaping her eyes. She had to remain strong for her son and her daughter-in-law. She missed her granddaughter very much, and often cried herself to sleep at night remembering the chubby cherub whom she used to cuddle close with whenever she had a chance.

Renee mourned her granddaughter too, Esme knew this as well. Both women often talked and cried on the phone. They also knew that Edward and Isabella were hurting, and badly. Bella had lost weight and had a haunted look in her eyes, while Edward seemed extremely distant and lost in his own world. They had discussed it often; the loss of Alice had taken a toll on their children's hearts.

"I sincerely doubt it," he muttered.

Esme looked at her son; the evident pain in his eyes broke her heart in two. She hesitated for a moment, swiping the tears off her cheeks and wondering if the idea she had would remedy Edward and Bella's situation a little.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she began, "Have you talked to Bella about maybe trying to have another baby?"

A look of surprise crossed his face, Edward shook his head.

"I think you should, another child will never replace Alice, but perhaps it could help you both heal and allow your heart to feel love again."

Hope filled her son's eyes and her heart._If only, please God, my son and his wife deserve to feel joy again._

"Do you really think so?"

"It wouldn't hurt to try; besides, I know your hearts, our hearts, will mourn Alice forever,but maybe, just maybe it is time Edward."

He smiled at her, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'll talk to her about it. Thanks mom," he said embracing her in his arms.

Esme breathed a sigh of relief at not being shot down by her son. She prayed her idea would work, that peace and joy would fill the once happy couple's heart and home again.

* * *

Once again, thank you all for reading, reviewing and being supportive.  
To the wonderful ladies over at **FanFic Angst h00rs on Facebook...** I just want to say you ladies are AMAZING!

*Shout out to **dougsgirl*** Thanks for all the reviews babe. I couldn't reply to your reviews cause you weren't logged in, but, ILY!

I'd love to hear what you thought in a review!

xoxx  
Zen


	8. Chapter 8

***Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Twilight. SM does.***

All my love to my beta Readingmama and Celesticbliss for prereading this and making me a banner.

* * *

_"A broken heart bleeds tears."_**  
~Steve Maraboli~**

**That night…**

Edward had thought long and hard all day about how to approach the delicate subject of having another child with Isabella. It didn't help thatBella had been quiet ever since they returned from his parent's house. After dinner, he'd helped her wash the dishes and noticed that the air between them was different, than it used to be. The silence between them was now awkward and uncomfortable.

When Bella headed toward Alice's nursery as per her nightly ritual he followed her; she wasn't even aware of him. He watched her from the doorway as she first stood by the crib for a few moments, listening to her mobile play its familiar tune. Once it stopped playing she took the baby blanket out of the bed inhaled its scent, holding it close to her chest.

Deciding it was now or never, Edward cleared his throat, startling Bella from her thoughts, which were millions of miles away. She turned around quickly to face her husband; he noticed the wet trails the tears had left on her cheeks.

"Edward, I didn't notice you. Is there something you wanted?" she asked, sniffling while trying to hide the evidence that she'd been crying.

He opened his arms and beckoned for her. Reluctantly she approached him, accepting his embrace.  
Edward held her for a moment, kissing the top of her head.

"Will it ever stop hurting, Edward?" Bella whispered.

"I don't know, sweetheart, I wish I did, but I don't," he answered truthfully. They really hadn't discussed Alice's death that much.

"I miss her," she murmured, stifling a sob.

"So do I," he whispered, fighting tears.

She pulled away from, gazing up into his eyes.

"What was it you wanted?" she questioned, trying to change the subject before she let him see her break down into a feeble crying mess.

Edward pulled her toward their bedroom, once she was seated on the bed; he sat down next to her.

"I…um… I was thinking…"Edward hesitated, unsure of how to phrase what he was about to say.

"What? You can tell me," she prodded.

"How about we have another child, Bella?"

The room was silent; Isabella closed her eyes and held her breath. Her heart ached so much. How could Edward even suggest such a thing, after everything that had happened? She wanted to scream, to yell, and to throw things. The frustration she felt could not be described. He wanted to replace Alice. _How dare he?_ And what if… what if she actually went along with his plan, only to have another child then bury it too. Was she prepared for something like _that?_

Isabella counted to ten, fighting the inner turmoil going on in her head and the bile threatening to escape her throat. Once she felt she was in control of her emotions she opened her eyes and looked at Edward, who had been watching her expectantly.

"I don't know if I'm ready for that," she answered him truthfully.

"Please, Isabella?" he pled.

She shook her head.

"Edward… I don't think my heart could handle it right now."

"Why not, Bella? I know that no one will _ever _replace Alice, but don't you think we owe it to ourselves to try and be a family again?"He argued.

She couldn't fight him; she was too tired to try.

"Okay, fine," Bella said not meeting his gaze.

"Thank you," Edward replied, embracing her. Bella was stiff and unyielding in his arms. She was angry, and he knew it, but figured if he gave her time, the idea would somehow appeal to her.

* * *

All of you that are still reading this? I just want to hug you!  
Thanks for all the love/support and reviews. I appreciate it.

Okay, let me rec a few stories for you...  
**Pavlov's Bell by Readingmama**  
**And Stranger In the Elevator by Celesticbliss**

I'd love to hear what you think in a review!

Until tomorrow!  
xoxx  
Zen


	9. Chapter 9

***Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Twilight. SM does.***

All my love to my beta Readingmama and Celesticbliss for prereading this and making me a banner.  
*Hugs* to the sweet ladies over at **FanFic Angst h00rs on Facebook **for discussing this fic. I'm loving all your comments!

* * *

_"Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies." **  
**_**~Dorothy Allison~ **

**Six months later…**

"Bella! Have you seen my gold cufflinks?" Edward called while he rummaged through the dresser drawers. He had an important business meeting to get to.

Edward had been searching in one of drawers when he found something that made his heart stop in his chest. He checked the date, just to make sure he was not mistaken. It was a recent prescription. Anger coursed through his veins and he stormed off toward his wife. He found her in Alice's nursery, sitting in the rocking chair and staring at a picture in Alice's baby album.

She didn't even acknowledge his presence when he walked up to her. Edward was beyond angry but was willing to give Bella a chance –if she had a valid excuse.

"Isabella," he said, doing his best to keep his calm.

She didn't even look at him. That pissed him off. He threw the prescription into her lap.

"Isabella, what the hell are these?" he seethed.

Bella glanced up at him, but didn't answer, tears welled up in her eyes but he ignored them. Nothing she said would fix the betrayal he felt.

"Answer me!" Edward roared.

Silence, she sat stoically looking at him. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake a response out of her.

"Fuck it! When were you going to tell me you were taking birth control pills?"

"I…I…" she stuttered.

Edward raised his hand to stop her from talking.

"You know what? I don't want to hear it. I can't believe you could do this to me…to _us._ You said yes, Bella. We decided together," he said angrily.

"I can explain…" she began.

"Save it. What else have you been lying about huh? To think, for six months you tricked me into believing that we were trying, six months of me hoping, praying that something would happen. All for nothing, because you didn't have the guts to tell me the truth, don't I deserve the mother fucking truth goddamn it?"

Bella couldn't even look him in the eye. She felt ashamed, how could she tell him though? Would he even understand?

"Edward, please," she pled.

Hurt was written all over his face. "Stop, just stop, I can't deal with this right now. I'm leaving; I have an important dinner meeting that I am late for. I can't even look at you now, I'm that mad. I hate this."

Edward stormed out of the room. Bella sat in the chair, torn between wanting to cry and scream and the desire to go after her husband and fix the mess she had caused. She flinched when she heard the front door slam after him.

Guilt and frustration ate away at Bella's gut. It tormented her; she had wanted to tell Edward everything, but it never seemed like the right time. She could only imagine the look of disappointment he would have gotten had she told him what she really thought; she hated to think of it.

Every month she told herself that it would be the last month to take birth control, but she couldn't bring herself to stop. It wasn't the idea of being pregnant that scared her, no, it was the thought of losing another child which terrified her beyond reason. Part of her knew she was being ridiculous but the other part didn't want to take the chance again. Maybe she was being extreme or silly, but she didn't want to relive the feeling of her world collapsing around her while her heart was ripped in two.

_"Don't I deserve the mother fucking truth?"... "I can't even look at you now, I'm that mad. I hate this." _The words echoed through her head.

"Stop! Stop! Just stop!" She covered her ears and yelled into the nothingness.

Bella fled to her bedroom and packed a duffel bag. The walls of her home felt as if they were caving in around her, threatening to suffocate no longer felt welcome in her house, this was an empty existence. Bella's life with Edward after their daughter's death was nothing but a charade. She gasped for breath as she locked the doors and fled the house, wanting nothing more than to escape the jumbled mess that had become her life.

Edward deserved to be happy; he deserved to have a family, even if it wasn't with her. She was broken beyond repair, a lost cause.

* * *

**I'd love to hear what you thought in a review!**  
**  
Until tomorrow,**  
xoxx  
Zen


	10. Chapter 10

***Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Twilight. SM does.***

All my love to my beta Readingmama and Celesticbliss for prereading this and making me a banner.

*Hugs* to the sweet ladies over at **FanFic Angst h00rs on Facebook **for discussing this fic. I'm loving all your comments!

* * *

_As memory may be a paradise from which we cannot be driven,_  
_it may also be a hell from which we cannot escape_  
**~John Lancaster Spalding~**

**A few hours later…**

Bella had driven off into the night, two hours after she left home, her phone rang; it was Edward's ring tone. He must have come home to an empty house. She let it ring, and then switched it off, a fresh round of tears stinging her eyes. Things would never ever be the same between them. Edward hated her-she was positive that was how he felt- thought she was a liar, he would never trust her again. She pulled up to her parents house five hours later, hesitating a moment before getting out of the car. What was she going to tell them? Not the truth…the truth was too much for even her to handle. Nothing, she would tell them nothing and then deal with the consequences later.

Bella reached out to ring the doorbell, but just then Charlie opened the door, Renee, stood right behind him. Both her parents looked worried about her but relieved she was safe. Charlie cradled her in his arms and she sagged in relief.

"Oh thank God! Edward, she's here," Renee said into the phone, the look on Bella's face told her mother that she didn't want to talk to him.

"I'll have her call you first thing in the morning," she told him before hanging up.

Once she was seated, both her parents stood before her, hovering silently, waiting for something, anything, Bella felt the questioning gazes that they cast upon her but wasn't ready to deal with them.

"I don't want to talk about it," she announced and got off the couch, kissing both their cheeks and trying to put up a nonchalant front. _That's it, her conscious sneered, convince them that everything will be okay. You have been lying all these months, why stop now? She forced it to shut up by fleeing the living room.  
_  
Bella didn't miss their perplexed faces or the hurt in both their eyes as she left the ignored the feelings of guilt she felt, nobody understood what she was going through. How could they? They never had a child ripped away from them by death.

Words of comfort would never be enough, she was fed up with the, "I understand what you're going through," and "God took her to a better place."

_God? _She was not on speaking terms with him. What kind of God took children in their sleep? What kind of God allowed parents to lose their baby? Not one that she wanted to be associated with.

As far as things with her parents went, she would deal with them later or never,_ never _seemed like the better option to her. For now she just wanted to escape the hell she had be thrown into.

* * *

Thank you for reading!  
Reviews are love.

Until tomorrow,  
xoxx  
Zen


	11. Chapter 11

***Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Twilight. SM does.***

All my love to my beta Readingmama, she makes my chapters pretty. I also love Celesticbliss, for prereading this and making me a banner.  
*Hugs* to the sweet ladies over at **FanFic Angst h00rs on Facebook **for discussing this fic. I'm loving all your comments!

* * *

_And now all your love is wasted_  
_And who the hell was I?_  
_I'm breaking at the bridges_  
_And at the end of all your lines_  
_Who will love you?_  
_Who will fight?_  
_Who will fall far behind?  
Come on skinny love just last the year_  
~Skinny Love~  
**Bon Iver**

**Four weeks later…**

It had been one month since the fateful night when Edward had discovered Bella's lie. She had declined to speak to him or even see him. Lord knew he tried to contact her, the very next day he had driven down to her parent's house, demanding to see his wife. A very sympathetic Charlie had told him that Bella didn't want to see him.

Judging by what his father- in-law had told him, it was obvious that she hadn't told her parents anything. Despite the questioning glances they directed at him, Edward didn't tell them anything either. If his wife hadn't said anything, why should he? This was something between Isabella and him.

With a huge sigh Charlie had told him, "Give it time son, whatever it is, give it time, Isabella loves you. She'll come around."

_If only._

He hadn't given up though, he refused to. Every day after work he made the four hour commute to his in-laws house in hopes he would see her. Edward spent the night at motels, waking early in the mornings so he could get to work on time, but Bella never relented. He cursed her stubbornness.

The first few days he was angry with her, how dare she be the one to leave and object to seeing him, he was the one who was hurt. She had no right to act the way was acting, but upon reflecting back on things Edward realized that they were both to blame for their fallout. He and Bella hadn't really been communicating since the death of their daughter. Edward couldn't even recall the last time he'd had any type of conversation –real conversation – with Bella. Hell, if he was being honest with himself he couldn't even remember the last time they'd made love just for the sake of making love, and not out of a sense of duty or with the goal of her becoming pregnant. _How had things come to this?_

Once Edward realized just how far apart they had grown, he didn't blame her as much for taking birth control pills. Edward only wished that Bella had confided in him or even confessed the truth before he had found out by accident. Finding out on accident had made him feel betrayed, hurt and cheated.

Despite what Edward felt, he finally realized that Bella wasn't solely to responsible for what happened. Their lack of communication was. Instead of helping each other heal and overcome their grief, the couple had unknowingly pushed each other away and suffered alone. If only he had been aware enough to figure things out they wouldn't have been in this predicament in the first place.

Edward vowed to remedy things if Bella came around–_no_, not if, _when_—he refused to entertain the idea of her not coming around.

_If only she weren't so stubborn!_

**Trip number twelve…**

_Edward had bounded up the steps after pleading with Bella's parents about trying to reason with her._

_He knocked on her door and called out, "Bella."_

_She didn't answer. After about twenty or more so knocks and Bella not answering, he left__,__hurt that his wife hadn't even gone to the trouble of acknowledging his presence._

It wasn't that Isabella didn't love him anymore; on contrary her love for him was everlasting. Bella's heart would always belong to Edward; there would never be anyone else. God only knew how much she missed him and longed for the comfort of his embrace.

_If only_. If only Bella had had the strength and courage to confess what she had felt when Edward had asked her for another child, if only she had told him how much the idea terrified her, or that it was too early for her heart to entertain the idea of there being anyone else besides Alice.

_Alice._Bella's heart broke every time she thought of her baby lying dead in the ground. Alice haunted her every sleeping and waking moment. But she had been a coward then and she was a coward now, and in her cowardice she had hurt the only man she'd ever loved.

And then, two and and a half months ago she had learned the news, she couldn't even think about it. It had been on a routine check up to the doctor. Bella had been having abdominal cramps and back pain for quite a while. A few blood tests, a CAT scan and she had found out what was wrong with her. How was she supposed to break something like that to him?

_"Five to eight months." _That is what they had told her. She refused treatment, because...well... maybe she wanted to die. Or maybe she just didn't see the point of prolonging the inevitable. Bella knew her decision would affect Edward, break his heart even but she couldn't bring herself to tell him, even though he deserved to know. So maybe him discovering her birth control pills was a blessing in disguise, at least now, if he left her, he wouldn't have to find out what else she had been hiding from him.

Bella was always the one who paid the bills, and she hid those hospital bills well, at least Edward hadn't discovered them. She shuddered when she thought of what his reaction would be. Her taking birth control was least of their worries.

_Edward._Bella's heart ached to see his face if only once more, but she fought the urge, because Bella knew that if she saw him she'd cave. And Bella didn't want to cave, some may call her stupid or even a fool, but Bella thought she was doing the right thing by giving up on her marriage. She deemed herself unworthy of Edward, she'd betrayed him. How could he ever forgive her? Bella was positive that he couldn't. She figured that Edward was only showing up everyday due to a sense of duty he must have felt toward her because of the wedding vows they had spoken.

_No._ Edward deserved someone who would never lie to him, a woman who wouldn't deceive him. Not someone like _her,_ a woman who had betrayed and hurt him. She wouldn't allow him to waste his love on the likes of her. Isabella just had to figure out how be selfless, while gathering the courage to make the ultimate sacrifice of letting him go, she was willing to it, _for Edward.  
_  
Besides, Bella was hiding something else, something bigger, something that couldn't be fixed with a simple apology.

* * *

I know, I know... my beta wants to smack Bella too. She's a poor misguided soul. Please don't judge her too harshly, she suffering...from something.  
**Thank you for reading!**  
**  
Reviews are love.**  
**xoxx**  
**Zen**


	12. Chapter 12

***Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Twilight. SM does.***

All my love to my beta Readingmama, she makes my chapters pretty. I also love Celesticbliss, for prereading this and making me a banner.

* * *

_I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt,  
__those who keep silence hurt more_**  
C.S Lewis**

**Trip number eighteen…**

Was the day Bella had actually yelled at him from behind her closed door.

"Go away, Edward!"

His heart skipped a beat, he had missed hearing her voice . Hope filled him; maybe she was finally ready to talk to him.

"Bella, please baby, open the door. I just want to talk."

"No."

"Please," he begged.

"Goddamn it, I said no! Now go away!" Bella sounded so close, he wanted to reach through the door, grab her in his arms and hold her tight. He wanted things to be okay. He stopped knocking on the door and just stood there, listening for any kind of movement from her.

A minute later she murmured softly, "Edward?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" he answered; elated she had known he was still there.

"I said go away!"

Edward remained standing in his place. He heard her sniffle and pressed his hand to the wooden door trailing his fingers where he assumed his wife's face would be. Edward's heart was inside that room. Sighing heavily and nursing a wounded heart he left, praying that tomorrow his luck would be better.

He was too far down the hall that led downstairs, to hear her whisper brokenly, "I miss you."

Renee was more than worried about Isabella, whatever could have happened between her and Edward? Bella still loved him, that part she was sure of. Renee often heard her call out his name in the middle of the night. Yet, no matter how hard her mother and father begged Bella to tell them what was going on, she always refused. Their daughter would shut down, putting up an imaginary wall between her and her parents. Even Esme had no idea what had happened between the two; it seemed Edward wasn't talking either.

It was the twenty-ninth visit that had broken Renee's resolve to remain out of her daughter's business. Her son-in-law looked like hell, and had left their home looking absolutely broken. His pained expression tore at her heart; he had exchanged a few hushed words with Charlie before walking out the door looking helpless. The poor man seemed on the verge of an emotional breakdown, and her daughter? Bella looked like death warmed over, was constantly tired, she barely ate, and what she did eat always seemed to come back skin had taken on a yellowish hue, her eyes were sunken holes in her head; Bella looked sick. She wanted to drag her down to the nearest doctor's office and let them have a look at her daughter, something wasn't right. Being away from Edward wasn't doing her any good.

Renee decided it was time to take action, after her son in-law left; she knocked on her daughter's door.

"Bella, it's me," Renee called out.

A few moments later an exhausted looking Bella opened the door for her. Renee fought the urge to embrace her baby girl and promise her that whatever it is, it was going to be okay.

Tough love, she chanted in her head.

"Yes, mother?" her daughter asked.

"Bella, I think it's about time you talked to your husband."

Bella's eyes grew wide and she opened her mouth to speak. Renee raised her hand, denying her the opportunity to protest.

"Listen Isabella, whatever it is that happened between you two, you should talk about it. That poor man –your husband- has been driving down here every day for the past month only to have you shut him out. He doesn't deserve that. Whatever your problems maybe you need to sort them out. "

Bella shook her head. How? _How am I supposed to sort out things that can't be sorted? Listen here __G__od…if there is a __G__od. You are cruel, do you hear me? First you give me Alice, then you take her away, then…then… well, you know what you did._

Renee mistook her silence for refusal, and continued, "If you don't talk to him tomorrow Bella, I swear I'll give the poor man permission to break down your door and make you talk. He's hurting baby and you are too. You both need to talk, understood?"

Bella nodded. Tomorrow, she would talk to Edward tomorrow. She wouldn't tell him anything other than the fact that they were over, done. She would have to lie, but that was okay. What was one more lie anyway, in a few months everything would be done and over with anyway.

* * *

**I won't be updating tomorrow, it is my fifteen year wedding anniversary with hubs.  
****I married the most wonderful man ever when I was sixteen.**  
**Next update will be the day after tomorrow.**

Anyway, enough about me! Reviews are love!  
Thanks for reading everyone.  
Until next time,  
xoxx  
Zen


	13. Chapter 13

***Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Twilight. SM does.***

All my love to my beta Readingmama and Celesticbliss for prereading this and making me a banner.

* * *

_I wish nothing but the best for you_  
_Don't forget me, I beg_  
_I remember you said,_  
_Sometimes it lasts in love_  
_but sometimes it hurts instead_  
**~Adele~**

**The next day…**

Bella had thought long and hard about what exactly it was she wanted to tell Edward. She had used most of the day to think of the exact words she wanted to tell him.

One thing she was sure of, she wasn't going to tell him about her illness, in her opinion he didn't have to know. Simply because she did not want him to watch her die, nor did she want Edward to stay with her out of a sense of obligation.

Bella also wasn't going to tell her parents for a while either, her father had told her she was welcome to stay with them for as long as she needed, Bella knew he meant until she fixed things with Edward, but figured he wouldn't throw her out if she wanted a place to stay. She would just have to figure out how to hide her illness until it was unable to be hidden any longer. That way she would not have to deal with her parents begging her to go through useless treatments; she wanted to die in relative peace.

Bella had asked her parents to leave them alone and they had agreed; Renee had even dragged her father out to the movie theater to ensure the couple wouldn't be interrupted.

Her mother had kissed her on the cheek, wishing her luck and assuming that when they came back it would be to an empty house. "See ya, kiddo," Renee had said before they left.

Bella had been waiting for Edward on the porch swing when he showed up that evening; he pulled up to the driveway and exited his car. His shoulders were hunched, and his head hung looked like hell.  
Edward didn't notice her at first, but stopped still in his tracks as soon as he did.

"Bella?" Edward whispered, disbelief written all over his features. He thought he was hallucinating.

"Edward," she murmured, not quite meeting his gaze for feel her plan would fall apart. How could one man make her heat beat so fast in her chest? She loved him so much it hurt to think about what she had to do.

He approached her timidly, afraid that she might run off or disappear into thin air. For the first time in a long time, Edward looked at his wife, really looked at her. Long gone was the Bella he had once known, the twinkle of mischief that had always been in her eyes was no longer there, instead her eyes now looked haunted. Her hair was limp and no longer shined, and Bella had lost weight, she looked skeletal almost. He felt tears prick at his eyes. What had happened? Why hadn't he noticed their relationship failures sooner? Edward blamed himself for everything, he was, after all the man, it had been his duty to protect and cherish his wife and judging from the looks of things he had failed miserably.

_Something is wrong, very wrong._Edward's subconscious whispered to him. He felt it in his gut too, whatever was about to happen couldn't be good –at all.

Bella's heart was racing wildly in her chest; she fought the urge to hyperventilate. _You can do this; he deserves someone better, someone who is whole.  
_  
Edward sat next to her on the swing, he wanted to touch her, to hold her, but was terrified that she would bolt or worse yet, reject him. So instead he sat quietly, waiting for her to say something, anything. He knew Bella was ready to talk; otherwise she wouldn't have come out of hiding when she knew he would show up.

Bella sighed heavily and took her hand in his. It was a small gesture that made both their hearts flutter in their chests.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," she began.  
_  
You're sorry? I'm the one who should be apologizing_. He opened his mouth to protest, but she placed a finger on his lips.

"Please, just don't talk. Let me finish okay?"

Edward nodded. He'd let her talk if that meant things would be okay once more.

"For months after Alice's death, I was broken, hurting and just not myself, and neither were you. I saw it, I felt it. I knew we were growing apart. I refused to believe it though, I refused to believe that our love for each other would slowly dissipate to nothing. I wanted to believe that we would both grieve for a while then find our way back to each other, but sadly things never happen the way we want them to."

Bella closed her eyes fighting back tears, she felt Edward stiffen in his seat.

Sighing heavily, she continued, "I think it was inevitable; death either brings people closer or tears them apart. In our case it was the latter. Maybe I should have fought to fix things, but I just didn't have the strength or mentality to accept that we were falling apart."

Bella rubbed the back of his hand, a movement meant to soothe them both. She inhaled deeply,then exhaled. Edward sat silently next to her, waiting for her to resume talking.

"Do you know how terrified I was the night you asked me to have another baby? All I could imagine was Alice and how she had died, and how there was nothing you, me or anyone could have done about it. On top of that, I felt like a complete failure, I mean what kind of parent isn't able to protect their child from everything? Children are supposed to bury their parents, not the other way around. Yet we buried our baby, didn't we, Edward? There was nothing we could to protect her when she needed protecting."

Tears were now flowing down both of their cheeks.

"That is why I took the birth control pills. I was scared, so scared Edward. I didn't want to lose another baby."

Edward cleared his throat and murmured, "We _are_ supposed to protect our children Bella, but no one can keep someone from _dying_, not when it's their time to go. We're supposed to protect our children from evil doers, from perverts, from making bad choices, we _can't _protect them from the Universe, Mother Nature or God's plans for them."

Bella silently pondered his words. Maybe what he said was true, but Bella's mind just couldn't_, no wouldn't_, accept it. She shook her head, now was not the time to relive the past. She had to let him go.

"Sweetheart, look at me," he pled.

Bella didn't meet his gaze, instead she said, "I'm not going to beat around the bush. I'm sorry; I just don't think we…things between us are ever going to work out. We have been fooling ourselves Edward. Nothing is ever going to be like it was before."

She heard his harsh intake of breath, she had hurt him, she knew. It was her goal, perhaps now he would give up and leave her.

"Please, Bella, just hear me out. I know I've been distant lately, but I understand now how wrong it was to shut you out while we both were hurting over Alice's death. Give me- no us- a second chance?"

He wasn't going to let this go easily.

"I…can't, Edward," she stated.

Edward kneeled down in front of her, clutching both Bella's hands in his.

"I need you, Bella, I miss you," he said through tears.

She steeled her nerves and fought back a sob. If he didn't leave soon she was going to cave. He was so much better than her, he had a good heart and he wasn't selfish. Even though it broke her heart to think it, she prayed that he would find love again. Edward deserved to be loved. She loved him, but she was dying, and to make him suffer because of it would be selfish. He'd already lost his daughter; he didn't need to watch her die too, especially if he _thought_he still loved her.

Bella knew he wasn't going to give up trying.

_Lie_, a little voice in her head whispered. She was going to have to cut him deep.

"Miss me, Edward, really? When did you realize that? When you came home and found a pile of dishes in the sink, no dinner and dirty laundry?" Bella asked coldly.

He looked at her in disbelief. A bunch of lies, and they both knew it. It didn't make the words sting any less though.

"Or maybe you found it out when there was no one there to warm your bed at night, huh? I'm sure you missed giving me the silent treatment too. After your daughter died you stopped talking to me Edward, you know that right? We buried our marriage along with our baby."

Bella watched as his face twisted in pain at her words. _Please don't believe me, I'm lying, oh Edward, I'm so sorry,_she wanted to say, but didn't.

"It's over, Edward, and it has been for a long time now," she told him.

He shook his head.

"No, I don't believe you, something else is wrong," he alleged, standing up as he did.

Her heart ached. He wasn't buying it. _Lie better_, the voice whispered.

"Yes, Edward. Yes, it's over. I … I don't want you anymore," she lied.

Edward's face drained all of its color.

"You don't want me?" he murmured.

"No, I don't," she mumbled, feeling guilty at causing him so much pain.

"Well that changes things," Edward breathed, beginning to move away from her.

He was halfway down the porch steps when she called out to him, "Edward."

He turned around to face her, but avoided looking into her eyes.

"Do me a favor?"

He looked at her.

"Promise me one thing. Whenever you think of me, _if_you think of me, remember the good times we had and the love we shared. I hope you find love, Edward Cullen, because you deserve it," Bella said through sniffles.

Edward shifted from one foot to the other, but said nothing.

"Please?" she begged.

"I promise," he told her, and then he was gone. Bella watched him drive off, and then fell to her knees, sobs wracking her body.

"Please don't forget me,it hurts, I'm scared," she cried, over and over.

* * *

Um... *hides*  
I'd love to hear what you thought in a review?

Until tomorrow,  
xoxx  
Zen


	14. Chapter 14

**SM Owns Twilight.**  
**You all own my heart for reading and reviewing this. Seriously, I can't thank you enough!**  
**Readingmama is one kickass beta. Celesticbliss is one hot mama of a prereader.**

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_Love of my life  
My soul mate  
You're my best friend  
Part of me like breathing  
Now half of me is left_  
_**~Who am I to Say~  
Hope  
**_

**Three months later…**

Edward hadn't tried to contact Bella afterward, it hurt to know he had given up so easily, she thought he would have at least fought for them a little more. But Bella assumed it was for the best, because she knew if he tried, everything she had so carefully planned would fall apart and –she would beg him to take her back, and admit she had been lying.

Bella knew that Edward called her parents, she often heard them whispering on the never asked to speak to her though, and that stung.

One thing that surprised Bella the most was the fact the Edward hadn't filed for a divorce, she had entertained the idea a few times, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She hoped that he wouldn't either; she wanted to take that part of him with her to her grave. Bella wanted her headstone to read:  
_Isabella Marie Cullen._

Renee had tried to reason with her many times but Bella refused to budge, declining even to talk to her mother about it, and Charlie was at loss of words. He knew his daughter was going thru something painful, and he wished he could fix whatever it was. His heart hut every time he saw the sad, vacant expression on her face, he hated the feeling of not being able to do anything for her.

Esme had called a few times, crying, begging Isabella to tell her what had gone wrong, trying to convince her that whatever happened they should try and pleas fell on deaf ears.

_You can't fix the unfixable, and that's what I am, unfixable_, Bella thought.

She barely held herself together, now that she had come to terms with loss of Alice and her illness, Bella was trying to accept the fact that she wouldn't have Edward in what remained of her life. She often cried herself to sleep, wishing she could feel the comfort of his embrace if only once more.

If she had been broken before, she now lived day to day wishing for the reprieve of death; death was easy, life without the one she loved was far worse than any death sentence imaginable.

Edward hadn't given up on Bella, not really. He was hurting, and couldn't believe that she had admitted to not wanting him. He had barely made it home the day she had rejected him, nearly getting into an accident because he was blinded by tears of grief. He had failed, Bella was all he ever needed, his soul mate and he had screwed up with her, and because of that he had lost her. He had no clue how to fix things, if they were even fixable.

Edward barely ate or slept, he rarely shaved, his clothes hung loose on his frame. Esme tried to take care of him but he shut everyone out. Life without Bella was his own personal hell. Everything reminded him of her, he would sleep wrapped around her pillow inhaling what remained of her scent.

Bella had been throwing up blood for almost a week, she hid the evidence well, making sure the toilet and sink were both squeaky clean whenever it happened.

Renee noticed how ill her daughter had been the past few months and had begged her ineffectively to see a doctor. Every movement Bella made had her grimacing in pain and the black circles under her eyes seemed to be increasing in size.

"I'll be fine mom, it's probably just some kind of bug."

"A bug, Bella, really? Baby doll you've been sick for months, why are you refusing to see a doctor?" Renee asked as she fussed over her daughter, the worry was evident in her eyes. If it were up to her she would have dragged Bella down to the nearest hospital and have her checked out.

_Because the doctor can't fix me, I'm dying. _Bella smiled and hugged her mom closely, before waving her off. _I'm going to miss you._

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Okay about tomorrow's update...I just found out some very bad news. It's prob not going to be tomorrow, I'll try, but no promises.

Until next time...  
xoxx  
Zen


	15. Chapter 15

***Disclaimer I don't own Twilight or its characters...SM does.* Yada, yada, yada...you know the drill.**  
_  
_

Many thanks and all my love to Readingmama for her mad beta skills. And Celesticbliss for prereading this and making me a banner.

***Warning this story WILL NOT have a HEA***So please, if it isn't your cup of tea just click on the little X at the left hand top of the page and DON'T read.

**Thanks for being patient while I try and sort out my RL issues, I really appreciate it.  
**

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_There's one sad truth in life I've found_  
_while journeying east and west -_  
_The only folks we really wound_  
_are those we love the best._  
_We flatter those we scarcely know,_  
_We please the fleeting guest,_  
_And deal full many a thoughtless blow_  
_To those who love us best._  
**~Ella Wheeler Wilcox~**

**Two and a half months later….**

Bella's illness had taken a toll on her; she collapsed while descending her parent's stairs, blacking out completely as her unconscious body tumbled down the ten wooden steps like a rag doll.

Her parents heard the noise and went rushing to check the source of it, freezing dead in their tracks when they saw Bella lying on the floor. Renee covered her mouth in a silent scream while Charlie rushed over to his daughter's side and checked her pulse.

"She's breathing, thank God. Renee, call an ambulance," he ordered gruffly, before he began administering CPR.

Bella was quickly taken to the hospital by the paramedics. Her parents remained in the waiting area to hear from the doctors.

Charlie paced back and forth and Renee sat in a chair wringing her hands, both sets of eyes were trained on the door that led back into the ER.

"I wonder what's taking so long," Charlie muttered after almost two hours.

"Maybe we should go back and ask?" Renee offered.

"We _have _been asking. I just asked less than ten minutes ago. The woman at the front desk is getting pissed about it too," he grumbled.

Renee took his hand in hers.

"We'll wait a few minutes then I'll go and ask this time, okay?" Renee told him. She had gotten a death glare the last time she'd asked but didn't mention it to her husband, lest he throw a fit. He nodded, seeming a little appeased.

"What do you suppose is wrong with her, this can't all be over Edward, can it?" he murmured.

Renee shook her head. "No, maybe part of it, but she's hiding something. I can feel it. Bella's health has been deteriorating for months, and she threw a fit last week when I almost dragged her out of the house to see a doctor. The refusing to see a doctor has had me worried."

"She's so stubborn, and she hates it when people try to take care of her, she puts on a strong front, but I hear her crying at night. It breaks my nights I just want to go into her room and cradle her in my arms like I did when she was a baby, promising her that whatever it is, everything will be okay. I know she'll block me out if I try, so I just stand outside her door miserably, feeling helpless until she falls asleep," Charlie confessed solemnly.

Renee nodded, swiping away at the tears that were escaping her eyes. Unbeknownst to her husband, she had witnessed the scene he had just described to her many times.

After a few minutes of mutual silence they saw a doctor enter the waiting room.

"Is there anyone here for Isabella Cullen?" the doctor called out.

Both Renee and Charlie stood up at once and rushed to the doctor's side.

"We are, we're her parents," Charlie informed him.

"I'm Doctor Riley, one of the doctors looking after Isabella," he informed them.

"Let's have a seat over there," the doctor said, motioning to a semi-secluded area of the waiting room.

The followed him and once they were seated, the doctor asked, "How long has your daughter had cancer?"

"Excuse me?" both parents inquired at the same time, their ashen faces taking on a look of complete surprise.

"How long has Isabella had cancer?" he repeated slowly.

Silence as both parents tried to come to terms with the question being asked. The doctor waited patiently.

"We… we … don't know. She never told us," Renee stuttered, the shock was evident in her voice.

"She has been sick for a while, but for some reason she kept refusing to see a doctor. I never really understood why exactly," she told him.

"So that means Isabella hasn't been taking chemo," he muttered.

Doctor Riley looked at them sympathetically. Charlie looked shocked beyond words; his frown looked as if it were carved out of stone, his face had taken on a dark hue. Renee was as white as a sheet and she appeared to be on the verge of passing out.

"What type of cancer is it, can it be treated or is it too late?" Charlie asked.

The doctor was silent for a moment, his gaze compassionate before he sighed and lowered his head. It was never easy telling people that someone was dying.

"It's pancreatic cancer. Isabella hasn't been getting treatment and even if she had been, the life expectancy for this type of cancer is only between five and eight months. You've told me she's been sick for months. The tests we're running aren't looking good at all," Doctor Riley told them.

Renee glanced over at her husband and saw the haunted look of devastation in his eyes.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, I'm sorry, I thought you knew," he murmured sympathetically.

"Swan," Charlie said gruffly.

"Beg your pardon?" Doctor Riley inquired.

"Mr. and Mrs. Swan. Isabella's married name is Cullen," Charlie informed him.

"Oh…is her husband here?" he asked, his eyes searching the waiting room for signs of a distraught husband, but finding none.

"No," Renee answered.

"Does he know?" Doctor Riley queried.

"No…I… don't know… maybe? I don't think so," Renee stumbled, shaking her head. _Did Edward know? Is this what had caused their relationship to fall apart? _She doubted it_; Edward would have never given up on Bella if he knew. The man still hadn't given up hope that she would find a way back to him._

"Perhaps you should tell him now, before it's too late," he suggested._  
_  
Renee gasped, stifling a sob. _This was going to kill him if and when he found out.  
_

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**Thank you for reading.**  
**I'd love to read what you thought in a review.**

**Until next time,**  
**xoxx**  
**Zen**


	16. Chapter 16

***Disclaimer I don't own Twilight or its characters...SM does.* Yada, yada, yada...you know the drill.**  
_  
_

Many thanks and all my love to Readingmama for her mad beta skills. And Celesticbliss for prereading this and making me a banner.

To all of you who are still reading this...thank you so much.

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"_If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world."  
__**Mercedes Lackey**_**  
**

**That night…  
**

Bella was moved into the intensive care unit. Her parents were allowed to visit her, but they weren't allowed to spend the night. In addition to the cancer, she had obtained a minor concussion from her fall down the stairs.

Five hours later she opened her eyes and found her parents watching over her worriedly. Relief flooded their features when they saw she was awake.

"Bella," her mother whispered, looking relieved.

Renee was heartbroken. If only she'd insisted more that Bella see a doctor. It was too late now. Tears streamed down her face as she looked at her child.

"What happened?" she asked hoarsely, while wincing in pain. Every part of her body was aching.

"Baby you passed out and fell down the stairs. We brought you here and… and… the y told us about the cancer," her mother sobbed.

"Oh," was Bella's weak reply.

"Oh? That's it? When were you going to tell us that you were sick?" Charlie asked while grasping her hand. He looked broken beyond repair.

"I … I … wasn't," she replied.

"Why not, Bella? Didn't we deserve to know?" her mother questioned, hurt evident in her voice.

"What would have been the use? You would have begged me to go through chemo, and if I had agreed you would have watched me suffer, for what? In the end I would …am… going to die. I preferred to live what was left of my life without the pain and suffering of doctors appointments and chemo," Bella answered truthfully. She closed her eyes in exhaustion and to block out the pain and pity in her parents faces. Their looks were _exactly_why Bella had hid what was happening, she didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her, let alone hurt because she was dying.

"But… what about Edward?" her father asked.

Bella's eyes flew open and she searched the room frantically.

"Please tell me that you didn't tell him," Bella moaned.

Renee shook her head.

"Good, please _don't_. I've put him through enough pain,he doesn't need to know, this will kill him," Bella murmured weakly, the conversation had drained her of all her energy, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, too tired to respond to her father's protests. He believed Edward had the right to know.

Both her parents wanted to tell Edward but they had gotten so caught up in all the chaos of visiting hours, talking to the doctors and driving back and forth to the hospital that they hadn't gotten a chance.

The third day of Bella's hospital stay, one of Bella's doctors had stopped Charlie and taken him aside.

"Mr. Swan, I'm sorry to break this to you, Isabella's health has taken a turn for the worst. There is nothing more we can do for her, other than make her as comfortable as possible. She's dying, Mr. Swan.  
It won't be long, she'll be lucky if she lasts a day or two at most."

Charlie swallowed audibly; his face was as white as a sheet. "Are you sure?" he asked. His mind felt muddled, this scenario was so twisted and wrong. Bella was supposed to live a long and happy life and _she_ was the one who was _supposed_ to arrange his funeral, _not_the other way around.

The doctor nodded. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before making his mind up about something.

"If I may ask, who is Edward? Your daughter calls out to him in her sleep often."

Charlie met the doctor's gaze before replying, "He's her husband."

"Does…I mean… um… how come he has never shown up hear? Is he alive?" the doctor asked awkwardly.

Charlie sighed heavily, why did things have to be so complicated when it came to his daughter?  
"They had an argument a few months ago; Bella refuses to speak to him. He doesn't know she is sick, and Bella asked us not to tell him. I've been meaning to call him, but have been otherwise preoccupied."

"Maybe now is the time for him to be told? It couldn't hurt to have him by her side. Isabella seems to be reaching out to him, maybe it will ease her conscious a bit if they make amends before she passes away," the doctor suggested.

Charlie nodded.

"Thank you, doctor…I didn't catch your name,"

"Doctor Whitlock. You're welcome Mr. Swan. I'm sorry for what you and your family are going through, I wish there were more I could do," he said sympathetically as he patted his shoulder.

Charlie nodded sadly.

"Mr. Swan, if you'll excuse me; I have to check on a few more patients," Dr Whitlock told him before he walked away.

Charlie pulled out his cell phone and exited the hospital. It was time to tell Edward.

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**I'd love to hear what you thought in a review!**

**Until next time,**  
**xoxx**  
**Zen**


	17. Chapter 17

***Disclaimer I don't own Twilight or its characters...SM does.* Yada, yada, yada...you know the drill.**

Many thanks and all my love to Readingmama for her mad beta skills. And Celesticbliss for prereading this and making me a banner.

To all of you who are still reading this...thank you so much.

***And yes, I know that Bonnie Raitt sang this song before Adele did, so did Bon Iver. I love all of the versions, but Adele's version is what inspired me to write this fic.***

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Lay down with me,  
tell me no lies  
just hold me closely  
don't patronize  
cause I can't make you love me  
if you don't  
And you can't make your heart feel  
something that it won't

_**Can't make you love me  
**_**~Adele~**

**Ten hours later…**

Edward sat at Bella's beside. He had refused to leave, fighting with the hospital personnel until one of the doctors -a Dr. Whitlock- had walked in and had given them the okay for him to remain.

Edward had left work unannounced and driven to the hospital like his lifehad depended on it, which in a way it did. Charlie's words kept echoing in his head the whole drive there. _Cancer… she's dying… lucky if she makes it through the next two days. Please hurry, Edward, before it's too late._

Edward cursed himself angrily for not fighting harder when she had sent him away. He should have begged harder, demanded to know what was wrong three months ago. He had sensed something wasn't right, but her words had hurt him so much that in his haste to escape the pain, he had missed out on precious time with Bella.

Bella hadn't woken up since his since arrival six hours ago. She was heavily medicated. Edward held her cold hand in his and drank in her features. She was much thinner, she looked like a skeleton. Dark half circles were visible under her eyes. Bella looked extremely fragile, almost as if any wrong movement would break her. Her hair lay limp and had lost its luster. The needles and tubes that were sticking out of her were enough to make him cringe in pain. She would probably think she looked awful, but to him, even on her deathbed, she was still the most beautiful woman in the world.

_Deathbed._

Hestroked her cheek softly and felt his heart break as he finally allowed the tears he'd been fighting to escape his eyes. Reality hit him like a ton of bricks, she was dying, and there was nothing he or anyone else could do to prevent it.

"Oh, Bella," he sobbed, his body shaking from the pain he felt. He placed is head on her bed and allowed himself to really cry. He cried for all the words he'd said in anger that couldn't be taken back, for all the apologies he felt he owed Bella, for all the times he had wanted to tell her just how much he loved her and hadn' cried for all the time lost with her. How could he go on without her? The past few months had been hell. No, this was hell and he was a burning man. At least before he'd had hope, he'd had a plan, a plan to win her back. But all that was for naught, all he had now was a day or two - if he were lucky – a few hours, if heaven forbid, things went wrong.

Edward fell into a fitful sleep. He was awoken hours later by someone stroking his hair. He drowsily opened his eyes and lifted his head.

"Hey," he murmured to a wide eyed Isabella.

"Hey, yourself," she whispered.

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

"No," he told her.

Edward wanted to ask her so many questions, to tell her everything but at the same time he was afraid of overwhelming her –or worse…what if she threw him out?

He sufficed with holding her hand and gazing into her eyes worriedly.

After a few moments of silence Bella turned her head away from him. She looked…ashamed?

"Who told you?" she asked, not meeting his gaze.

"Your dad, he called me yesterday and I got here as soon as I could. Esme, Carlisle, and the whole family got in last night," he replied.

Bella turned her head and gasped loudly, her eyes wide with shock.

"All of them?" she inquired.

"Yes, all of them," he said.

"Damn."

"Bella…I… whatever it is…was…I know it's too late, but…I'm sorry," he muttered, feeling devestated.

His wife shook her head, but kept her gaze lowered so he wouldn't see the obvious pain in her eyes.

"There is no point in apologizing now is there? I mean… I'm _dying_ aren't I? That is why you're here?" she asked.

Her words cut through his heart life a knife. Why couldn't she realize that he was here because he loved her? Yes, she was dying, but that wasn't the only reason he had rushed to her side.

"For fuck's sake, Isabella, I…we…my family and I are here because we love you. Why can't you see that? What has happened to make you so bitter?"

She met his gaze and her eyes were on fire.

"What has happened? What has happened? I … we lost a child Edward. Then I found out I was dying, too. How do you expect me to act, like everything is rainbows and unicorns and just peachy? Cause it sure as fuck is not! This isn't a fairytale; I'm not just going to be miraculously cured and walk away from this alive."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks and her breathing became labored. Edward ached to comfort her even though her words hurt him.

"Don't you think I know that? What I want to know is why you didn't tell me?" he asked.

"I didn't see the point," she replied.

"Didn't see the point?" he echoed in confusion.

"I didn't see the point of you trying to convince me to go through chemo, didn't see the point of you suffering with me while I lived through the pain because you felt some misguided sense of duty toward me. I know you don't love me Edward, you don't have to pretend, no one is watching,no one will judge you. You stopped loving me when you found out I was lying about getting pregnant, perhaps even before. So, I didn't see the point of any of it, I didn't want to see the pity in your eyes whenever you looked at me."

Edward listened to her speech in stunned silence. Bella thought he didn't love her?

He didn't know how to dispute her claims, he wanted to shake her, to make her realize that he _never, ever_ stopped loving her, but he was afraid anything he said to her would fall on deaf ears.

Bella's monitors had begun bleeping loudly.

"So, you didn't answer my first question, I'm dying aren't I?"

He nodded.

Bella sighed.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he whispered.

Bella shook her head.

"I'm so tired, Edward," she muttered between labored breaths.

The monitors went haywire and Bella bolted upright as a spasm of pain wracked through her body.

"Code blue… code blue…" he heard the nurses running toward her door and watched in horror as they burst in the room and surrounded her bed, pushing him aside. He watched in horror as they began administering aid to Bella

"Edward!" Bella screeched, reaching for him. Her eyes were as wide as saucers; she pushed away the oxygen mask the frantic doctors were trying to place on her.

"Isabella," he pushed his way back toward her, fighting against the protesting doctors.

"Don't leave me, I'm sorry, I didn't mean any of it. I love you, please tell me you love me too even if it is a lie. I just need to hear it once more," she cried almost breathlessly. He opened his mouth to tell her just that and so much more, when suddenly her body began to convulse and she lost consciousness.

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**Um...yeah... I'll be crawling into a hole and hiding there. This story is and I quote my reader MotherBeatrice "a BITCH to write.**  
**I'd love to hear what you think in a review.**

**Until the the last pitchfork is done poking me...**  
**xoxx**  
**Zen**


	18. Chapter 18

***Disclaimer I don't own Twilight or its characters...SM does.**

Many thanks and all my love to **Readingmama** for her mad beta skills. And **Celesticbliss** for prereading this and making me a banner.

To all of you who have stuck through me with this fic, thank you so much. Words can't begin to describe how much I appreciated all your support.  
Seriously, I just want to hug you hard. I know that some of you have said that character death was a hard limit for you, so thanks for not tossing me aside and taking a chance on this. And so my friends...here we are, the final chapter of this emotional roller coaster.

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Before I  
Pluck your wings, cover me, please  
Spread your wings, cover me  
_And  
_Promise this, if I die before I wake  
Oh, promise this, take the time to say your grace.  
On your knees you pray for me  
Promise this, be the last to kiss my lips.

_**Cheryl Cole  
~Promise this~**_

Edward watched numbly as the doctors attempted to revive Isabella. It felt as if he were watching a horrible scene in a movie.

"Clear," the doctor called as he placed the defibrillator on her chest. Bella's body jerked upward as the shock was administered then relaxed back to the bed lifelessly.

Edward waited with baited breath while the doctors continued to work on Isabella. Feeling the need to be next to her, he once again pushed his way through the swarm of medical staff surrounding his ignored the glares and protests he got from them, relaxing only after he stood at the head of her bed.

The sounds of the hospital monitor's long beep as Bella flat lined would haunt Edward forever.

"Call it," someone in the background ordered.

Edward wanted to punch the fucker into oblivion. He couldn't believe they were giving up on her. _Didn't they understand? They couldn't just let her die!  
_  
"Time of death, oh' four hundred," someone announced.

"No!" Edward roared as he pushed one of the doctors away and attempted to perform CPR on his wife.

"Come on Bella… come on baby. Please don't leave me please baby, please," Edward begged while he pumped his wife's chest frantically.

"I love you, come back to me please baby, please," he were streaming down his cheeks now, and Bella wasn't responding.

The doctor he'd pushed away grasped Edward's arm and turned him around.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Edward refused to look at him and tried to push him away, but the doctor held him firmly.

"She's gone. I'm sorry Mr. Cullen, there is nothing anyone can do for her anymore," the doctor murmured apologetically.

"Gone?" Edward whispered, looking lost. He felt his knees buckle and the doctor propped him up, helping him to the nearest seat. Edward's eyes never once left his wife's body. He was hoping…praying silently for a miracle.

Edward lost track of time as he watched the doctors unhook Bella from the numerous machines. He felt as dead as she looked. Dr. Whitlock approached him. "Mr. Cullen," he murmured.

Edward shifted his gaze away from Bella and toward the young doctor. "Hmm?" he muttered absently.

"Maybe you should call Isabella's parents?" the doctor suggested.

Edward looked horrified at the suggestion. How was he supposed to tell his in-laws that their only child was now dead?

"Or … I…we…the hospital could have someone call them," Dr. Whitlock suggested hesitantly.

That wouldn't have been a very good option either; hospital personnel were sometime crude when it came to delicate subjects such as illness and death. They lacked tact when they delivered news. Edward knew they didn't mean to come off that way, it was part of their job description they had to steel their emotions, but God help him; he didn't know how they dealt with it.

He shook his head and cleared his throat.

"No… no…I'll make the call. Just, can I have a few moments alone with her?" Edward asked.

Doctor Whitlock bent his head and averted his gaze. "Of course," he replied, placing a hand on Edward's shoulder before adding, "Take all the time you need."He left and softly closed the door behind him.

Edward stood up on shaky legs and approached Bella's body.

"Bella," he whispered, feeling a lump forming in his throat.

"I never stopped loving you, not for one moment. I'm sorry I didn't fight harder when you sent me away. I'm sorry that you left this world thinking I didn't care about you. That was never the case. I swear every moment spent away from you was hell. Life without you was the worst life imaginable, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep and I couldn't breathe. And now…" He wiped away angrily at the tears that wouldn't stop running down his cheeks.

"Oh Bella," he sobbed. "Now I've lost you for good, and no amount of pleading will bring you back. For what it's worth I'm sorry. I love you, Isabella Marie Cullen, always have and always will. I know you're in Heaven with Alice, do me a favor and take care of our little girl until we can be together again okay?"  
Edward kissed her forehead then her cold lips.

"Until we meet again," he whispered as he closed her eyes.

Edward took a deep breath and exited the hospital doors, leaving his life and his heart in the room behind him. He pulled out his cell phone and made the call to Bella's parents.

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I will be posting a small epi as soon as I get a chance to complete it.  
A huge thank you to all of my readers, a special shout out to the ladies who took the time to review each and every chapter, you know who you are. It's been a rough ride, thank you for everything.

**As always, I'd love to hear what you thought in a review.**

**xoxx**  
**Zen**


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